Today is a milestone. Today I will walk through the doors of my favorite gym & register for my 4th competition. Exactly a year ago to the date I was walking through hospital doors. I’ve debated with myself on what to share & how to share. The thing is the events of the last year challenged me to grow mentally, physically, spiritually & allowed me to embrace my atmosphere with a heightened passion. So here it goes…
I had a hysterectomy. The future plans of my husband & I didn’t revolve around how many children we would have if any at all however having that option pulled was not a breeze. I felt we were champs about the situation. We didn’t read anymore into the situation than necessary & came to the conclusion that it was a fate not worth stressing over.
Post-surgery… I wasn’t expecting the flood of feelings that rushed over me. Thoughts I didn’t know how to process. I had the world’s most amazing support system but I wasn’t supporting myself. I decided I would bury myself in a prep with the goal of becoming a Pro within 8 months. I lost focus on healing my whole body & concentrated on the shell. In turn my body responded with a fight. The mind is so powerful & I believe it can completely take control for the positive or negative, which ever you allow.
Competing has always been about self-improvement, a challenge, & an enjoyable privileged experience. Being tensely aimed on the appearance & literally letting it consume me negatively made me question everything. I had more closed door tears shed than I’d like to admit but it happened. My spirit felt drained. Three weeks out from the competition those around me started to question if I was okay. It was the very question that I needed ask myself. So I did. I decided to nix doing the show because I wasn’t proud of how I felt & finally let myself process those uncomfortable feelings.
The realization is that I don’t need a coveted title, of any sort, Pro or Mom. The joy of knowing life is right where it is intended & that I have an opportunity to make a difference is indescribable. I honestly feel that this plan was laid out before me so that I could reach more people, more children. Something I couldn’t have done otherwise.
All the meanwhile I was watching a very dear friend go through her own child bearing grievances. I watched her closely & took note. I didn’t want to come right out & say I was hurting. Her poise through the process was inspiring. The intent of this post is twofold, 1, whatever obstacles have been given to you search for the gift in it. I guarantee there is one to be found. 2., Stay strong & encourage each other. Your actions have a huge impact on those around you when you least expect it.
Next weekend when I step on stage I can hold my head high & know what a genuine gift I have been given. As hard as it is to share I hope those out there that are focused on the shell will let their heart start doing the growing because as cliché as it sounds I’ve already won.
As always thank you for reading & letting me share. Live life big & best wishes my friends.