Category Archives: Peace Of My Mind

The Diet Escape

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As you see this is no longer The Short Side of It.  It no longer holds “fit” recipes, the gallery of my competitions, nor the blog posts about prep nutrition.   7 months ago I officially stopped counting macros & gave two peaceful fingers to the entire diet culture.  Of all my milestones one of the few exact dates etched into my memory is the moment I knew I was done with what was controlling me.  Its grip was tight & strangling the freedom out of my life.

I’ve believed with conviction for many years that I was a part of the anti-diet movement.  I had a plan diet towards growth control.  It wasn’t always to lose weight but it was always about controlling & tracking body size, strength, & ugh honestly, my life. It was an illusion I was no longer willing to be deceived by. 

I’m learning to live & move more intuitively each day.  Taking note of what my body actually wants & giving it just that.  For me I’ve found more organic nutrition, less alcohol, daily meditation, being outside, & yes weight lifting, I still love iron.  I have zero idea of how much food I take in each day.  Nothing is off limits.  Life is manifesting into more presence & fulfillment.  I literally feel my physical, mental, & spiritual health mending itself.

I share knowing I’m not the only one that as an adult acquired eating disorders &/or control obsessions.  I felt trapped.  It was & still is at times a tough transition.  I don’t want others to go down the rabbit hole I lived in.  If you are there & you truthfully don’t enjoy it then it’s time consider a new way.  You are so much more than numbers.

Our society continues to endorse a culture that speaks freely about the lack of self-worth based off of the food you consume.  You can fill your life with rules taunting you to break them inducing shameful failure or you can take a new approach.  Be a part of the positive voice.  Take care of yourself however your body requests.  This is your life to do your way.  

Lastly, to all my friends that are training/dieting for specific athletic events. I will continue to loudly & authentically cheer you on even though I no longer share that space with you.  Also I must note that in no way were my habits the fault of any of my coaches.  The truth is if you were like me & needed a program diet for everyday life there is more going on internally that needs to be addressed. If you need a friend by your side while you navigate your own ways I offer my support.  Together lets change the culture of our self-worth & uplift our vibes.      

Wishing you love & peace ~     

Want to know more about how I dropped the diet mentality? I stumbled across cori_fit’s IG account.  As a former competitor she was saying everything that was in my head.  Her transparency led me to the book Intuitive Eating.  The book helped to open my eyes to be honest with myself.  If a portion of your world is consumed of yo yo dieting, tallying daily points, tracking macros, or being the “healthy” eater this book lays it out with logic & grace.   Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or simply want to talk.  ♥

potatoes fun knife fork

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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Bye Fear

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“Fear, you don’t own me
There ain’t no room in this story
And I ain’t got time for you
Telling me what I’m not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I’m strong
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here”~ Francesca Battistelli

An afternoon walk, writing, & reflecting brought nourishment & clarity to my soul.  I’ve been on an adventure this year to delve deeper into living with awareness, intent, & with a true heart.  I’ve asked & received guidance.  Now it’s on me to move & work.  Fear, it’s time for us to officially part ways.

Once fear gripped & controlled a variety of areas of my life.  Not in the obvious way from the outside but in my very own personal internal ways.  How I moved, ate, interacted, life choices swayed by fears instead of freedom.  It’s not easy, I get uncomfortable. It takes a lot of work but when it starts clicking it’s unbelievable. I ask you, if you don’t feel like you’re experiencing life, feeling fulfilled then look at what’s controlling you & challenge it.   I am.  Will you join me?

 

From Amie Vilt’s retreat.
My spirit animal, Dog.
All are loved
Thank you Matt Turner

 

If you didn’t know one of my biggest journeys this year is that I’ve become a student of energy work.  I love it.  This heart centered work allows me to be a conduit of universal energy to work within your biofield to help with pain management, anxiety, depression, & spiritual healing.  If you are open to experience change I invite you to receive session as a gift from my heart.

Uplift Scheduler

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Gympsy Living

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Welcome

Entrance to Christ’s Peace House Of Prayer. Spent 3 refreshing days here for Amie Radar’s yoga retreat connecting with nature and our sankalpas.

Organic joy, rooted happiness, a healthy contentment.  This is where I am & who I am.  There’s a new found attraction & approach to life with a childlike curiosity.  I’ve just cracked the surface but I think this newfound place I’ve trekked upon is worthy of sharing.

These fresh practices to my routine are the complete opposite of new.  In fact they are thousands & thousands of years old.  Natural holistic practices, healing, & energy.

  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Essential oil remedies
  • Crystal, mineral, & universal energies

It’s clearly taken some time to get here.  My ego made me a skeptic.  It’s wild what we withhold ourselves from when we aren’t open to listen, learn, & explore.

Why & how did this all come about for me?  The short side of it, I knew I was missing something.  The good moments always seem briefly lived.  Either in the past or in the future.  A constant series of thoughts & goals always focusing to the next thing.  Never.  Ever.  Present.  Happy, absolutely.  Content, no.  Present, no.  True to the saying “nothing changes if nothing changes”.  It was time to shake it up.  Next a chain reaction happened…faith, wonderful amazing people, & invitations to events that all led me right smack here.

I still aggressively & methodically lift weights & track my macros but now with the accompaniment of these beauties.  I am both connected to nature, simplified, dare I say hippie like, & still go hard AF in the gym.  It’s awesome to feel like this.

While I inquire into one subject it leads to another that leads to another.  I’m craving to learn all of it, try it, mix & match to see what fits for me.  Perhaps future posts will reveal more about each topic.  Perhaps not.  I’ll just see where I am at that moment, contently.  Peacefully.  Happily.

As an ambitious novice please feel free to enlighten me with your knowledge be it on here or in person.  If this sounds crazy, wonderful! I hope it still intrigues you enough to explore alternative outlets. You have zero to lose & everything to gain.

Love & Peace

Meditation
One of our meditation spots during the retreat.

Love these local yoga instructors: Amie Rader & Way Of Life Yoga

The book 10% Happier by Dan Harris that hooked me into meditation.   Also his website: Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics

My Natural Remedies Pinterest board.

Recap

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PhotoGrid_1450923392303A humbling discovery best sums up last year.  I dove into new areas of my faith, explored multiple fitness genres, overhauled what I knew about nutrition & strived to examine myself to the very core.  Each discovery was made outside of my comfort zone but it’s true what they say, that’s where all the good stuff happens. 

The part of each discovery that stands out the most are the strong people who surrounded me.  Not necessarily strong as in a look or size rather strong in their character, the impact they have to naturally influence others towards progress.  There they were nudging, encouraging & challenging myself & those around them to step forward.  These people are made up of family, old friends, new friends & complete strangers, some of who I won’t ever see again.  I also believe these people have no idea the impact they make by simply being & giving their time. 

Truth be told if you are reading this you are one of them & I’m so very thankful.

It’s exciting to end the year feeling like no stone was left unturned while in good company & now to set out for the future.  My goal, keep discovering & do my best to pay forward the strength that was given to me.

As always thank you for letting me share.  Best wishes, my friends!

 

 

 

Going For The Title

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Today is a milestone. Today I will walk through the doors of my favorite gym & register for my 4th competition. Exactly a year ago to the date I was walking through hospital doors. I’ve debated with myself on what to share & how to share. The thing is the events of the last year challenged me to grow mentally, physically, spiritually & allowed me to embrace my atmosphere with a heightened passion. So here it goes…

I had a hysterectomy. The future plans of my husband & I didn’t revolve around how many children we would have if any at all however having that option pulled was not a breeze. I felt we were champs about the situation. We didn’t read anymore into the situation than necessary & came to the conclusion that it was a fate not worth stressing over.

Post-surgery… I wasn’t expecting the flood of feelings that rushed over me. Thoughts I didn’t know how to process. I had the world’s most amazing support system but I wasn’t supporting myself. I decided I would bury myself in a prep with the goal of becoming a Pro within 8 months. I lost focus on healing my whole body & concentrated on the shell. In turn my body responded with a fight. The mind is so powerful & I believe it can completely take control for the positive or negative, which ever you allow.

Competing has always been about self-improvement, a challenge, & an enjoyable privileged experience. Being tensely aimed on the appearance & literally letting it consume me negatively made me question everything. I had more closed door tears shed than I’d like to admit but it happened. My spirit felt drained. Three weeks out from the competition those around me started to question if I was okay. It was the very question that I needed ask myself. So I did. I decided to nix doing the show because I wasn’t proud of how I felt & finally let myself process those uncomfortable feelings.

The realization is that I don’t need a coveted title, of any sort, Pro or Mom. The joy of knowing life is right where it is intended & that I have an opportunity to make a difference is indescribable. I honestly feel that this plan was laid out before me so that I could reach more people, more children. Something I couldn’t have done otherwise.

All the meanwhile I was watching a very dear friend go through her own child bearing grievances. I watched her closely & took note. I didn’t want to come right out & say I was hurting. Her poise through the process was inspiring. The intent of this post is twofold, 1, whatever obstacles have been given to you search for the gift in it. I guarantee there is one to be found. 2., Stay strong & encourage each other. Your actions have a huge impact on those around you when you least expect it.

Next weekend when I step on stage I can hold my head high & know what a genuine gift I have been given. As hard as it is to share I hope those out there that are focused on the shell will let their heart start doing the growing because as cliché as it sounds I’ve already won.

As always thank you for reading & letting me share. Live life big & best wishes my friends.

The Value & Belief

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With it being the start of a new week I thought I’d share a way I stay committed to my goals, short term & lifelong.

You see I believe I have grand purpose, actually I believe we all have a purpose of great magnitude. Some aspirations are personally set & others, for me anyways, are faith driven. I’ve found the key is to establish the value & belief. Simply put, my purpose is like gold to me so that decisions & follow through leave little room to be debated. I suppose I rarely feel distracted because I consciously chose these values & ultimately decided to make them my priority.

Yet like everyone I get worn down & tempted to sway with convenience. This is when I take a moment to weigh my options & the outcome they will create. Do I want the things most important to me to fade away & fail? Absolutely not, so there my values take over & navigate my next move.

My recommendation, connect to your goal on another level, what is it worth to you. Then raise the standard of what is acceptable. Whatever it is in your life that makes you feel alive is valuable. Merely “saying” your family, health, etc. are priority followed by actions of repeatedly making choices out of convenience is a direct reflection of the significance they actually have.

This is your calling, your life & you have the choice to display what is worthy of your time. Now tell me, what do you value & how will you go forward. I believe you can do it because you too are gold.

the short side of it

A Nearly Missed Message

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Tonight’s usual routine of me moving nonstop to get my “to do” list done wasn’t any different except…

As I moved from task to task our dogs let me know someone unfamiliar was on the street.  As I glanced out the window I saw it was a door to door salesman.  I decided I’d pretend I wasn’t home & go about my evening because I’ve got so much to do plus I don’t really care what he has to offer yet for some reason I went to the door to greet him.

He began his pitch then suddenly stopped.  He stopped to say thank you.  Thank you for coming outside to listen & how much he appreciated it.  The man was shaken from repeated rejection but mostly from being treated like a burden.  As he shared how he’d been getting treated I could feel his vulnerability & countered it with some encouragement.

When I headed back in I realized how quickly & easily we can disregard others especially strangers.  I lean on my faith to guide me & present lessons to become a better person.  I feel tonight’s lesson was to remind me to always greet other’s with kindness & be more surrendering of my time.  Because tonight a few minutes turned into a message to keep my heart open.

Let It Go

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Holding on to the past, that’s where I was up until a few weeks ago.  After surgery I found myself on a constant hunt to find the pre-surgery me. I had settled into a daily ritual of comparing everything from where I was beforehand to the present.  In every aspect from body to mind I felt behind.

It finally came to light when I put a competition progress picture together.  It was that simple moment of seeing a picture that sent a “What am I doing?  I don’t want to go backwards” thought racing through my mind.  The obvious had been hidden from all the self-comparisons I was inflicting. I don’t want to be the pre-surgery me.  I want to be better.

The Picture

 

Granted I think it’s instrumental to remind myself of where I’ve come from but not to allow the past to set my parameters for today.  Breaking the habit has been refreshing.  To know I’m confronting a new set of challenges has me anticipating the future & I am excited about it.

I’ve said time & time again on posts that I actually have a hard time sharing my experiences.  As more eyes see this blog I know I’m revealing more than I am comfortable with however I also know I’m not the only one that has let the past become a standard.  Whether you’re holding onto pre-surgery, pre-pregnancy, something from 10 years ago or yesterday, if you can, let it go.  It’s time to be better than ever before.

 

 

 

An Update

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Soon it will be a year since I last competed. So what has a year of non-prep given me?
My body fat & weight is at a peak. It’s not at an unhealthy high just higher than it’s been this last year. Interestingly neither of those factors consumes me at the magnitude they once did. It’s not that I don’t think about it or I’ve changed my goal instead I upgraded my view. Now I think about how I’m building myself rather than what I need to lose. I focus on the strength I’ve gained instead of the deep cuts I’ve lost. And the opportunities I’ve gotten to enlist in to have an ever expanding circle of friends.

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When I direct my energy to what I don’t have or what I need to lose it sends a negative message to my conscious. Then it eats at me & clouds my outlook. When I get in my head I divert my thought process to recognize the gains not the losses.
I think this is incredibly important to remind myself of this more than ever. Not just with fitness but in life as a whole. When faced with trials it might be difficult to find the gain but if you seek it out you will find it. This lets me keep pushing forward & appreciate all the incredible things I have.
I can confidently share this last year has been a journey of enlightenment, humbleness & fantastic opportunities. As usual thank you for letting me share & I’m looking forward to what’s to come.

 

Best wishes~

Want Discipline

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My posts are sporadic. I never know quite what I’ll write till I begin to type.  It’s what’s on my mind & what I want to share.  When I force a subject it’s apparent & I trash it.  Similar to when you do with anything in life because you think it’s what you should do or need to do.  It gets trashed.  We are all the same in that our actions always reveal what it is that we want.  Think about it.

There isn’t a trick to finding discipline.  Decide what it is that you want?  I mean what you really want.  Establish the intensity of how badly you want to own it.  True desire grants the discipline to tag along.  Train the mind to evaluate your behaviors.

Whatever it is you aspire for either you do or don’t do what it takes to make it happen because that’s what you wanted.  Be unstoppable.  Show everyone. Show yourself.

 

C